Posts Tagged WTF
The brilliance of the WorldNutDaily is truly astounding
Posted by CyberLizard in WTF on January 27, 2009
OMFSM! The WorldNutDaily has outdone themselves. They have reached new heights (or depths, depending on your perspective) of mind-numbing stupidity. In an effort to save their readers from enduring the intellectual trauma of actually trying to form a coherent and reasonable thought, they are now offering for sale the complete collection of “Politically Incorrect Guides”. This collection contains such shining gems as “The Politically Incorrect Guide to the South (and Why It Will Rise Again)” and “The Politically Incorrect Guide to Darwinism and Intelligent Design”.
Not content with just spewing garbage in the form of mindless articles written by the likes of such flaming brilliances as Chuck Norris, they are now providing you with the opportunity to “browse through all the politically incorrect guides in one place online and satisfy your intellectual curiosity quickly and efficiently.”
Don’t miss out on this fabulous opportunity! There’s a “Politically Incorrect Guide” out there no matter what your particular prejudice or paranoia may be. Peruse the selections and check out books illuminating the truth behind such controversial subjects as:
- Women, sex and feminism
- Science
- Hunting
- Capitalism
- Islam and the Crusades
- American history
- The Bible
- Western Civilization
“The politically incorrect guides were a very smart idea and executed brilliantly,” said Joseph Farah, founder and editor of WND. “I wish it had been my idea. Now we’re making it easier than ever to take advantage of all the wisdom and insight found in these books.” [emphasis mine]
Let that sink in for just a moment. Then join with me in a rousing chorus of “WHAT THE FUCK?!?”
What the fuck is wrong with South Carolina?
Posted by CyberLizard in Politics, WTF on January 15, 2009
See what I just did there in the title of this post? I just committed a felony, at least I did in South Carolina. Their state legislature passed a law that makes it a felony to “wilfully and knowingly to publish orally or in writing, exhibit, or otherwise make available material containing words, language, or actions of a profane, vulgar, lewd, lascivious, or indecent nature.”
At least, it will be a felony if the governor signs the bill. All I can say is, what the fuck were these cocksuckers thinking? I’ve been in jail once for something so stupid as to not be worth mentioning. This is something I’d go to jail happily for. And it’s a felony so I’d be in jail for up to 5 years rather than 5 hours like I was before.
Rock on, South Carolina! Way to improve that reputation for being an ass-backward redneck armpit! Good on ya, Senator Robert Ford, for sponsoring such brilliant legislation to clean up the state.
Hat tip: Pharyngula
[Edit: apparently this bill has just been introduced and is in committee; in other words it still has yet to be voted on. Still, this idiot has submitted it before in 2003 and in 2006. I don't care if he also submitted a bill to make same-sex civil unions legal, he's still a stupid fuck who's trying to pass laws that violate the First Amendment.]
Zack and Miri make a … Fireproof marriage?
Posted by CyberLizard in Me, Rants, Stuff, WTF on November 24, 2008
So Mrs. CyberLizard went out a couple of nights ago with a girlfriend to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno. She came back raving about what a fantastic movie it was and how I had to go see it with her. Apparently it’s a Kevin Smith movie, a fact I had somehow missed. Since I thoroughly enjoy his films, I agreed and we secured a little Lizard sitter last night and snuck out to catch the 9:45 showing at the local mall theater. After grabbing a popcorn and a coke, we get into the actual theater at approximately 9:47, expecting the previews to have started. Instead, the lights are on and the screensaver image is up. After a couple of minutes, I go to find out what was up. I was told that they were finding someone to start the movie. Um, ok… one would have thought that the presence of the required personnel would have been secured prior to the actual start time of the movie, but, whatever.
Instead of a raunchy, hilarious, offbeat movie about people making a movie of people fucking, we get to start watching Fireproof.
Fireproof isn’t merely preaching to the already converted; it’s helping to further alienate the unconverted and the skeptical.
People like Kirk Cameron apparently require Scriptural instruction about how to not act like a complete **** to your wife.
The writing and directing Kendrick brothers, Alex and Stephen, have raised blandness and narrative predictability to the level of high art.
And my personal favorite, which is almost identical to what I was thinking during the few minutes I was forced to endure this “movie”:
With the production values of a straight-to-video cheapie and the script of a mediocre soap opera, Fireproof is good for just about one thing: dousing whatever flames might be left in your marriage.
I was having so much fun heckling the piece of crap that I was tempted to just keep watching. Instead, I decided that I wanted to actually get some value for my money and see the movie that I had chosen. So after I and numerous other people complained, the manager shows up and apologizes. It’s too far into the movie, she says, I can’t change it. WTF?!? She then goes on to explain that it is too heavy, she can’t physically switch the movies. I immediately volunteer to assist, but that idea was shot down. Instead, they’re going to give us double free tickets. Oh, and as a bonus, they can move us to a different theater and show us Role Models.
Actual picture of me ragingNow, I’m not normally a confrontational person IRL, but I’m pissed off. Outside the theater, the manager is waiting with our comp tickets.
Me: Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a babysitter so that my wife and I can come out to watch a movie?Manager: I’m sorry, sir, I’ve got double comp tickets here for you.Me: What, so I can come back to this place and have you screw it up again?Manager: These tickets are good for any Regal Cinema’s, sir. Here you are. Have a good evening.
Since I’m already ranting…
Posted by CyberLizard in Politics, WTF on November 13, 2008
… here’s another piece of dumbfuckery to beat your head against your desk about. Apparently the bus companies in Ontario are feeling a little threatened by people using teh intertubes to arrange carpools.
Online Carpooling Service Fined For Unregulated Transportation
from the how-dare-you-ride-with-someone-else dept
One of the great things about the web, obviously, is that it allows for much more efficient communication that opens up new and useful offerings. For example: the web offers the ability to find other people traveling to the same general place you’re heading and to set up a convenient carpool. It’s good for the environment. It’s good for traffic. It just makes a lot of sense. Unless, of course, you’re a bus company and you’re so afraid that people will use such a system rather than paying to take the bus. That’s what happened up in Ontario, as earlier this year we wrote about a bus company that was trying to shut down PickupPal, an online carpooling service, for being an unregulated transportation company. TechCrunch points us to the news that the Ontario transportation board has sided with the bus company and fined PickupPal. It’s also established a bunch of draconian rules that any user in Ontario must follow if it uses the service — including no crossing of municipal boundaries — meaning the service is only good within any particular city’s limits.
It’s better than being shut down completely, and the service can still operate elsewhere around the world, but this is yet another case where we see regulations, that are supposedly put in place to improve things for consumers, do the exact opposite. Just like we’ve seen elsewhere, you get regulatory capture, where an established industry uses the regulations not for their intended purpose, but to actually drastically limit the competition.
*sigh* Why can’t we all just… aww, screw it.
Pure Rant
Posted by CyberLizard in Me, WTF on November 13, 2008
I hate the fucking United States Postal Service. I know, I said I don’t include “hate” in my personal ideology, but I hate the fucking United States Postal Service.
First off, we’ve got those stupid community mailboxes in my neighborhood. Not an apartment complex, but free standing houses. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I thought the purpose of the Post Office was to deliver my mail to me. Not make me go fetch it. If I wanted to drive somewhere to get my mail, I’d just get a post office box.
Secondly, our entire life is handled online. We don’t receive a single paper bill anymore. Magazines only come once a week. Birthday cards come once a year. Damn near everything else is either trying to get me to buy something or trying to get me to apply for their credit cards (side rant: I thought we were in a credit crunch? Why the hell am I still getting these ridiculous offers? I even get home equity offers! Can’t they read the damn headlines?)
In other words, we don’t get our mail on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s more than a couple of days. Occasionally we’ve gotten a note from the letter carrier saying that our mailbox was full and that we had to go to the post office to pick it up. Fine, whatever. But not this time. We got a note that said we hadn’t picked up our mail so they were returning it to the senders. WTF?!?
So I call the number given for my local post office. After navigating their mindless automated system, I get to speak to an actual human almost immediately. Apparently they’re able to get someone to answer the phone promptly, but they can’t be bothered to actually deliver my mail to my house.
Anyway, the end result is that I’ve got to go physically to the Post Office and see if my mail is still there. They can’t even tell me over the phone if my fucking mail is actually there or not. Security reasons, they tell me. Yeah, ’cause al Queada could call and find out if my coupons and magazines are waiting at the post office for me and could use that information to infiltrate the government network and destroy the world!
So I hate the fucking United States Postal Service. And this image pretty much sums up my day:
Thanks to the Rev. BigDumbChimp for the pic. I’m right there with you, bro.
Identity Theft!
Posted by CyberLizard in Atheism, Religion, WTF on October 13, 2008
All right, maybe not quite identity theft. But it’s still disturbing. I stumbled across a post on a Christian forum by someone called “cyberlizard” (I admit it, I’m not ashamed: I Google myself sometimes). Now, I’m not so full of myself that I imagined that I would be the only one to come up with that moniker, but did the other person have to be a religious whackaloon? Here is what he was wondering:
any insight
the bible is at times full of obscure verses which do not appear to make any sense, or get a brief mention but never get another look in.
here is a good example…. coming from Matthew’s gospel.
At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
ZOMG, zombie attack!!! Quick, grab your shotguns and baseball bats! Where’s the nearest S-Mart?!?
does anyone else ever read this verse, scratch their head and wonder why the verse is never mentioned anywhere else, or what happened to them after that. The bible does not say they ascended, nor does it ever speak of them again.I am open to ideas…..
Steve __________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed is the one coming in the name of ha’shem – בּרוּךְ הַבָּא בְּשֵׁם יְיָNow to Him who is able to keep you from falling….. be glory, majesty, dominion and authority for ever. (Jude)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, Steve, there’s a whole lot of things in the bible that do not appear to make any sense. But rather than truly examine them and try to come up with a rational explanation, your kind immediately just accepts them as truths. I’m actually quite surprised at even this superficial level of questioning. But your compatriots are there to save you with their responses:
A powerful example of the effects of Jesus’ resurrection. The history of where they went is not revealed except that they went into Jerusalem and appeared to many.I would think they had much to testify about the power of God having been in the reality of “life after death” and the truths of it.
And:
I read a teaching around that passage which supposed that there were so many supernatural things happening in those few days, that the dead coming out of their tombs was just another.
Like ‘ the day turned to night, the temple curtain was torn in two, there was a massive earthquake.. oh yeah and some dead people came back to life’
I’m surprised that no-one wrote about it in a book, Josephus or his peers. It would have been fascinating to read.
Hey, if your looking for good zombie fiction, check out The ULTIMATE Zombie Book List.
But this reply by Angeloffire enters into WTF-land:
There actually is more on what happened in the bible, but it doesn’t refer directly to what you quoted verbatum. Let me explain:Paradise use to be near Hades. I can even prove it scripturally but before I do, several have had dreams and visions and seen it too. Mary k. Baxter I think…if memory serves me correctly was one such person.
God moved paradise! He set those who were in prison in paradise free.
Matt. 12:40 For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the whale’s belly; so shall the son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.
This is the location of hades….the heart of the earth.
Now look what he says to the guy hanging beside him on the cross:
Luke 24:43 And Jesus said unto him Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.
He took the man with him to paradise in the belly of the earth where for three days and nights he preached the gospel!
When he went to preach to those who were in a spiritual prison 1 Pet. 3:19 and conquered death, that is why the people were climbing out from the graves and preaching.
He preached to those who died in the flood and removed paradise to a different location….now the third heaven 2 Cor. 12:2-12:4….
It is amazing that nowhere does it mention what happened to the dead guys who were walking. I personally believe that as the bible says that Jesus is the firstfruits of the dead, whether these people dead people continued to live, I don’t know.
I have also wondered what the effects of preaching to those who died during the flood would accomplish….odviously the purpose was to save them and give them a chance at salvation. Whether they were able to leave hades then or not I do not know.
God is wonderous and His ways past finding out….I so love every little bit of truth he shows me and I long for more daily. What a wonderous God we serve…..
I am sooooo tempted to sign up and post, just for the lulz. At least there are enough differences between us to tell the difference, right?
Boy Suspended For Sporting Rayhawk
Posted by CyberLizard in Education, WTF on October 9, 2008
Now this is just plain stupid [emphasis mine]:
TAMPA – The Rayhawk, a trend ever since Tampa Bay Rays players starting sporting them, has gotten a 12-year-old boy an in-school suspension.
“I was surprised. It’s just a hairdo, really nothing, just a hairdo,” said Zach Sharples, an honor student at Lincoln Middle in Manatee County.
Sharples said he must stay under in-school suspension until he changes the haircut or grows it out.
Boy, this must be some harido. I mean, it must be dangerous or something to cause them to suspend an honor student. What did administrators have to say?
…a representative for the school district said it is outlined in the dress code — no distracting hairstyles.
This thing must be bright purple with sparklers in it and stand two feet high to be distracting. This is Jr. High after all. So let’s take a look:
OMG!!!!!!111!!11!eleventy-one!1 I can’t concentrate! My synapses are failing! Must…not…look…at…hair…
Seriously? Distracting? WTF?!?
Actually, come to think of it, this is bringing back memories. When I was in elementary school, oh, about 25 years ago, a kid dared to come to school with a mohawk. The uproar was incredible. We couldn’t stop talking about it. For about a day. After that, it was like, meh. Administrators flipped out then too. Forced the kid to wear a hood till it grew out. It’s nice to know we’ve made such advancements in 25 years.
I just thought of something else for administrators to ban at the school: Marines! I mean, how different is that mohawk from a Marine’s “high and tight”?
Sad, sad, sad. I can’t believe our armed forces are allowing such distractions. What if there’s a war? Our soldiers might be gawking at hairdos rather than killing the enemy. We need to get these brave school administrators and put them in the Marines to combat this kind of distraction. Our troops deserve the best.
I don’t have to worry about hairstyles. This is what happened to me after reading the article:
Facebook is pissing me off
Posted by CyberLizard in Me, Rants, WTF on October 8, 2008
In the immortal words of Dr. Bruce Banner, “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
So I’ve got a Facebook account (no, you can’t be my friend). I’ve been kinda into it. And they have this little feature where you can import a blog into your Notes. “Cool,” I think, “I’ll just import my blog into Facebook and get additional exposure” (I’m not generally so egotistical to think that people might actually be interested in my babblings, but the Facebook crowd are generally personal friends so it’s cool).
Anyway, I do the import thing. All my old posts show up. So far, so good. And my new posts are showing up correctly. So today I get a comment on a Note and go to check it out. And I’m confronted with this:
WTF? I haven’t done anything other than use a feature they provide. So I visit their FAQ page. Check this out:
Time to call “bullshit”.
Facebook has determined that you were using a feature at a rate that is likely to be abusive. Before you were blocked, you were given a warning to slow down your use of this feature.
[emphasis mine] Um, no, they didn’t. No notification, nothing in my inbox indicating there was a problem. Warning my ass.
So, what are the limits? Seems like a reasonable question. I’d like to play by the rules and avoid this in the future. Let’s see what Facebook has to say:
Unfortunately, Facebook cannot provide any specifics on the rate limits that we enforce. Please know, however, that the speed at which you are acting and the sheer number of actions you have made are both taken into account.
Fracking brilliant strategy. You’ve exceeded the limits, but we’re not going to tell you what they are. Oh, and by the way, if you exceed them again we’ll ban you.
Fine. Be dicks. How long with this stoopid block last?
The duration of the block varies depending on the nature of the offense, ranging from a few hours to a few days. When the block is over, please proceed with your site activity at a slower rate so as to avoid hitting another block or having your account disabled.Facebook will not lift this block for you until the entire penalty time has elapsed.
You know what? At this point I’m about ready to say “frack you” and delete my account. I tend to post in bursts, put up a bunch of stuff while I’m thinking about it, then move on.
I’ve got to ask myself, how much do I need “flair” anyway?
Forget the environment, save our penises!!!
Posted by CyberLizard in WTF on October 7, 2008
Forget vaccines and Autism, forget cancer, here is something that the scientists of the world need to jump on!!!
Do Babies Exposed to Phthalates Have Smaller Penises?
Via Treehugger (emphasis mine):
Phthalates, the plasticizer used to make vinyl soft, have been known to be a gender-bender that has been shown to affect the masculinity of rats. Even the Bush Administration, not renowned for its defence of the public against the chemical companies, has banned it from childrens’ toys.Now new research has found new evidence of “phthalate syndrome”- smaller penises, and undescended or incompletely descended testicles- in humans. Shanna Swan, director of the Center for Reproductive Epidemiology at the University of Rochester’s school of medicine, who led the research, says phthalates are “”probably reproductive toxins and should be eliminated from products gradually because we don’t need them.”
ZOMG!!11!1 We can’t let this become an epidemic!
Of course the American Chemistry Council, representing the companies that make the chemical (Exxon Mobil, BASF, Ferro Corp., and Eastman Chemical) warns us to be “cautioned against over-interpreting any individual study.”
Of course they would downplay the risk. It’s a conspiracy to shrink our dicks!!! I wouldn’t be surprised if these companies had a direct connection to the witches in Africa stealing penises. Someone needs to measure the phthalate concentrations in Africa. It can’t be a coincidence.
I love PETA
Posted by CyberLizard in WTF on September 24, 2008
The Rev. BigDumbChimp once again reminds me that, as soon as I think the world can’t get any stupider, there’s always one more example of stupid to trump all the others.
This time PETA gets to provide the humor:
WATERBURY, Vt. — People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow’s milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman.
Now, Mrs. CyberLizard is a pretty hard-core lactivist, but I think even she would see the absolute stupidity of this.
Steve Higgins of the “Of Two Minds” blog was inspired by PETA to conceive of a fantastic new business plan:
I guess I can just open up a milking center at the mall so that I can get new mothers to stop by for a few minutes while I milk them. I could even offer them.. well lets see I could probably extract less than a gallon at a time…so at current rates – maybe offer them 10 cents for their time? I’ll bet I could get at least enough milk from 100 malls to maybe provide enough ice cream for 1 mall.
I love Ben & Jerry’s spokesman’s response: “We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child.”
Here’s the brilliant letter PETA sent to Ben & Jerry’s:
September 23, 2008Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders
Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Inc.
Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,
On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I’d like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry’s.
Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry’s replaced the cow’s milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.
Using cow’s milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer’s health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America’s leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow’s milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America’s number one cause of death.
Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.
And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can’t produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can’t even turn around.
The breast is best! Won’t you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow’s milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Tracy Reiman
Executive Vice President
