Posts Tagged movies

Out on the town

The kids have a sitter and the Goddess and I are heading out for an evening of fun and frolic. Probably not too much frolic, I’m not really a frollicer. Is that how you spell it? (UPDATE: The Goddess says I’m supposed to add a ‘k’ and make it ‘frollicker’) We’ve got tickets for the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter flick so we’re leaving early and making a whole night of it. Dinner at The Melting Pot (mmmmm, fondue), hanging out with friends, a movie; an actual date! I’ll be live blogging the event… wait, I’m being informed that I will NOT be live blogging. That’s right, I’ll be tweeting… what, no tweeting either? Oh. Apparently the powers that be (i.e. The Goddess) have determined that the iPhone will be spending the night deep in a pocket. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll have a good time anyway.

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A movie review guaranteed to get me to the theater

Thanks to the WorldNutDaily, I’m definitely going to see this movie. The brilliant-as-usual Bob Unruh gives us a peek into the latest Sasha Baron Cohen film “Bruno”. Or rather gives us a peek into the mind of  Movieguide, the Christian Film & Television Commission ministry’s family guide to movies and entertainment and its founder Ted Baehr. The movie was so bad, Baehr told WND, “that it cannot accurately be described in print.” But they were gonna give it the old college try in a letter they’re sending to city managers and local district attorneys.

Our organization has just viewed the upcoming ‘R-rated’ movie ‘Brüno,’ which is scheduled to come out in local movie theaters Friday, July 10.

Based on our screening of it, and the opinion of many other critics, BRÜNO is the most vile, perverse movie ever made by a mainstream movie studio. This disgusting, abhorrent movie contains (among other things) extremely graphic scenes of heterosexual and homosexual sex acts, explicit scenes and extended close-ups of full male and full female nudity, an extended scene of a totally nude heterosexual woman repeatedly whipping a homosexual man in his bikini briefs, partial nude scenes (including full rear male nudity) where body parts are partially covered up with black bars placed in strategic places, obscenely graphic verbal descriptions of perverse sex acts in dialogue and conversations with real people, and images of a male black baby from Africa in a hot tub with white adults who are clearly interested in doing some kind of sex acts with one another.

Vile, perverse, disgusting, abhorrent? Boobies and dicks? Sounds like a damn fine film to me. Right up there with “Casablanca” and “Gone With The Wind” and “Debbie Does Dallas”.

Pssst… hey, fundies. I gotta tip for ya’: Don’t like what’s in a movie? Don’t go to see it!

Those poor souls at Movieguide, being forced to watch such filth! The sacrifices they make in the noble name of protecting the community. I wonder how many erections they had to conceal during their private screening? Down boy! This is filth! Vile, vile, filth! Hot, steamy, luscious filth! Hey, dude next to me, why are you rubbing my crotch?

But, of course, they’re not doing this for themselves.

He tells those managers and district attornys[sic], “Studies have shown conclusively that movies like this will harm the psychological development of children and teenagers of all ages. Other studies have shown that almost half of all movie theaters do not card underage children who try to get tickets to such vile R-rated movies as BRÜNO by themselves, unaccompanied by adults.

“The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being of your children and grandchildren is at stake!!!”

OH NOES, WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDRENS!!!!@1!!!!1!

Guess what? I wouldn’t let my kid go see this movie. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let some pack of frothing at the mouth, sexually repressed fundies try to tell me that I can’t see it.

WND is not providing a link to the movie’s website because of the explicit content.

Hell, I’ll provide a link because of the explicit content. Click away, my pretties!

Bruno

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Hang out with the CyberLizard

What I look like in the mornings

What I look like in the mornings

Ok, boys and girls, if you’ve ever wanted to hang with a famous blogger, now’s your chance. I will be at a special showing of “The Jerk” at the Enzian Theater in Maitland, FL @ 9:30pm tonight. It’s a private showing just for me and my faithful Lizardlings (and anyone else who buys tickets. But we’ll just ignore them).

As an added bonus, you get to meet the man from who’s loins the CyberLizard sprang!

So come on down and join the fun. I’ll be the one in a bathrobe with my pants down around my ankles carrying a chair. Because I’m just that into it.

p.s.  I’m not really famous. And I probably will be wearing pants. But don’t let that stop you.

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Zack and Miri Make a Porno … Finally!

Our intrepid heros, having been denied a raunchy good time by Kirk Cameron and Jesus, decided that they would attempt a mad dash across the battlefield (well, really just a couple of exits up the highway, but I’m trying to create dramatic tension here) to try to make the 10:25pm showing of Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Will they make it? Will the Fireproof conspiracy follow them to another theater? Will the ticket taker be a complete dick and not let them bring in their soda and popcorn? Let’s find out…

The minivan flew down the highway like a, um, like a minivan flying down the highway. At exactly 10:25, Mrs. CyberLizard threw on the parking brake and slid the van into a parking spot with a squeal of tires (dramatic tension, remember?). We dashed inside the mall, popcorn and soda clutched in our hands and breathlessly ordered two tickets for Zack and Miri. The ticket seller was quite appalled to hear what had happened at the previous theater and found it quite amusing when Mrs. CL brandished the popcorn and declared our intent to bring it inside. Actually, the ticket taker didn’t say anything either. So no new confrontation :(

Once in the actual theater, we discovered that they were playing Fireproof! that we had only missed half of the first preview! Within a few minutes we were finally watching a movie about people making a movie about people fucking, and we were laughing our asses off.

So the evening ended in success after all. And it gave me a chance to do a couple of really cool cliffhanger blog entries. In fact, it was such a good ploy that I’ll do it again.

Tune in tomorrow night to read the CyberLizard’s amazing, fantastic, awesome review of Zack and Miri Make a Porno!

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