Archive for category Local & State

Why I’m embarrassed to admit that we homeschool our kids

Being a skeptical, secular homeschooling parent is a tough gig these days. If you don’t want to stay isolated in your basement with your kids, it’s important to find a local homeschooling group. They can provide field trips, educational opportunities, support and resources. They can also provide the lulz.

We belong to a local group that maintains a strong secular focus. They will not allow posts on “potentially controversial topics” such as religion or politics. While I’m all for freedom of speech, some places have to be provided as safe zones where a narrow focus needs to be maintained. And in this group, educating our children is our focus. It is not a place to get bogged down in flame wars about Right vs Left or Jesus vs Zeus (Zeus would totally kick Jesus’ butt in a cage match. One word: lightning bolts (I know, it’s two words. Deal) Just sayin’).

I was going somewhere with this, I swear. Oh, yeah, the lulz. Sometimes a gem slips through the moderation cracks, like this post that just came through. It has to be shared; it is a moral imperative.

The post reads as follows:

Defending your Christian Faith in a Secular World Class For Home School Middle and High School Students
35 week class
Beginning in September 12, 2011 – May 21, 2012
Day: Monday 3:00-4:30 (meet once a week)
Cost: $10.00/ per class; paid one month in advance
Location: Crossings Community Church
Teacher: Mrs. Joanne Whitaker – New Life Christian Certified Teacher and BA Psychology / Education* Home Schooling for 8 years (2003- present )

Wow. Just, wow. As humorous as this is in and of itself, it gets better. Here’s the justification for the need for such a class.

Survey Data from Barna Research Group and USA Today

Most teens and young adults will reject their Christian faith after leaving high school and attending college. Christian Apologist, Frank Turek at gives the following reasons why Christian youth in America are leaving the church:

• 70-75% of Christian youth leave the church after high school and Intellectual skepticism is one of the major reasons they walk away.
• Most Christian students are not equipped to resist rabidly anti-Christian college professors who are intent on converting their students to Atheism.
• College professors are five times more likely to identify themselves as atheists than the general public.
• More than half of all college professors view Evangelical Christian students unfavorably
• The “new atheists” — Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens — are writing books and are growing in popularity.

The reason for this exodus is that Christian youth in America are not being taught to cross examine the skeptical and atheistic views they encounter when they leave home and attend college classes and also socialize with Non Christians who have a Worldview opposed to a Christian Worldview

1 Peter 3:15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…


Ahem. Pardon the outburst. I was just terrified for a moment about those Non Christians and their Worldview. Ok, actually it was the Random Capitalization that really frightened me. But seriously, these pious kids are having to “…reject rabidly anti-Christian college professors who are intent on converting their students to Atheism”? I didn’t realize that they were all going to have PZ Myers as a prof 😛 And Yahweh forbid that they encounter  “…skeptical and atheistic views” out in the big bad world! They might just adopt some of that there “Intellectual skepticism” and then the church would really be fucked, wouldn’t it?

Because they want to attract as many lemmings zombies cult members followers as possible, they’ve graciously provided us with the curriculum that will be used in this stellar example of Christian Apologetics.

Class Description

Christian apologetics – is that branch of Christianity that deals with answering any and all critics who oppose or question the revelation of God in Christ and the Bible. It can include studying such subjects as biblical manuscript transmission, philosophy, biology, mathematics, evolution, and logic. But it can also consist of simply giving an answer to a question about Jesus or a Bible passage. The latter case is by far the most common and you don’t have to read a ton of books to do that.

Nope, you only gotta read one book. But it’s a good book, don’t ya know!

For the Apologetic portion of this course, I will be utilizing Josh and Sean McDowell videos. I will also include Summit Ministries Understanding the Times which consists of explaining Worldview such as learning about other religions, Postmodernism, Secular Humanism, Marxism, Atheism, Agnostic, and other various views that oppose Christianity. The third resource in teaching Apologetics is I will provide Scientific facts that rebuke Evolution using Does God Exist? Kit: Building the Scientific Case (TrueU) by Stephen Meyer produced by Focus on the Family.

Ooooooh, not just scientific facts but “Scientific facts”! Who knew that thousands of hours of research, observation, genetic  and fossil evidence could be rebuked by a Kit you can buy? From a hate group called Focus on the Family no less!

Creation vs. Evolution, The Big Bang Theory, Intelligent Design – I will be utilizing Darwin’s Dilemma DVD by Stephen Meyer, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron Evolution DVD (The Way of the Master), and other various resources to give concrete evidence so students can defend their faith to support Creation and rebuke Evolution.

Mrs Whittaker, did you… I mean… you actually are going to show this with a straight face? Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron? Srsly? I mean, c’mon, the banana? The epitome of intelligent design? I literally busted out laughing at this. This has got to be a poe, right?

Furthermore, utilizing Dr. Kent Hovind and Eric Hovind – beginning in 1989, Dr. Hovind’s ministry continues to grow as he has spoken more than 900 times each year in public and private schools, churches, university debates, and on radio and television broadcasts. His humorous, fast-paced, illustrated seminars provide documented evidence against the unscientific theory of evolution that goes against Scripture. The information presented concerning dinosaurs in the Bible (including a few that are living today) reflects his extensive study in the field of Crypto zoology. Dr. Hovind’s mission is to strengthen the faith of believers, to confound and to convince the evolutionists, and to win the lost to Christ.

Apparently grammar is not critical to “confound and convince the evolutionists”. Neither is obeying the law. And I gotta say, I had no idea these loons were delving into “Crypto zoology” to back up their ridiculous claims, though I suspect they really mean cryptozoology. Did you know Mr and Mrs Bigfoot were on the Ark? It’s true, I read it in the bible. Or something.

I know, this is getting tl;dr, but it’s just so chock full of goodies I can’t help myself!

Christian Psychology – My major in college was Psychology; therefore I am going to educate the class on the theories and theorists that they will be learn about in college; however using a Christian perspective. The various areas of Psychology will include: Behavior; Nature, Nurture, and Human Diversity, Developing Through The Life Span, Personality, Thinking and Language, Intelligence, Social Psychology, Perception, Learning, Emotion. Many of the theories are Atheistic and we will be discussing; the difference between a Secular World view and Christian View of each theory. Psychology, Science, and History are the main courses that require students to defend their faith.

Again, grammar and sentence structure are NOT important for defending your faith in an imaginary sky daddy who loves dead babies and foreskins.

Hey, did you know that “Personality, Thinking and Language, Intelligence, Social Psychology, Perception, Learning, Emotion” are Atheistic? You will after you take this course!

Ok, we’re in the home stretch now.

World Religions – we will be studying other religions so that we understand what others believe so that we can rebuke other religions and also witness to other people about Christianity. It is easier to witness when you know what other religions believe (Scientology, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, etc…)
[emphasis mine]

In conclusion, after completing this course students will be able to attend college and defend their faith instead of questioning it or even turning away from it.

Home School Students will receive ½ semester High School Psychology Credit and a ½ semester Bible Credit for taking this class – both elective credits

I would SO love to go to this class but I know that I wouldn’t be able to keep my smart-ass mouth shut. Besides, I’m probably already blackballed  by this homeschool group for previous transgressions. So if anyone wants to go and write about this, I’ll fork over the bucks and post your results here.

, , ,

1 Comment

I am having a geekgasm!

[UPDATE: LEGOLand Florida to open at the end of 2011]

Ho. Ly. Crap. My wildest dreams are about to come true! No, not the ones about Kathy Ireland, the jell-o tub and penguins. This is even better!

Cypress Gardens to Become Legoland Florida

Just as a reminder, in case the significance of this isn’t immediately apparent: I live in Florida. That’s right, biatches, I is getting my own LEGOLand!!!!!111!!11!eleventyone!!1

LEGO dragon at Florida LEGO store

, , , , ,

1 Comment


It’s a good thing I’m not a teacher in Seminole County, because they would fire the hell out of me if they caught wind of my blog. I mean, if all it took for John Wolfe to get fired is to drop the f-bomb a few times and sound a little depressed on his LiveJournal, they’d probably stone me to fucking death.

Allow me to summarize the situation: Boy graduates from college. Boy has crappy job as waiter that he bitches a little about on blog. Boy gets job as teacher. School fires boy after 5 days for aforementioned blog.

WTF? I could understand it if he were talking about wanting to get it on with students or fantasizing about burning down the school, but unless there is a whole lot more shit on his blog than what is featured here, I can’t imagine how they can legally fire him. I know Florida is a right-to-work state and all, but c’mon!

From the article on the local Fox affiliate web site:

But district leaders say its really quite simple. They said that he crossed an ethical line, and for that, he must be terminated.

Wolfe has never had his own classroom. He has been a substitute teacher in Orange and Alachua Counties up until Lake Mary High School hired him this summer as a Television and Film teacher.

Just five days into the job, a few of his students stumbled across his personal online blog.

Read excerpts from Wolfe’s blog  >>>

After reading it, they told another teacher who reported it to district leaders who decided that Wolfe’s language and thoughts were inappropriate behavior for a teacher.

Let’s see, what horrific things did Wolfe talk about?

  • The lack of morality in major corporations and how they screw people
  • A tongue-in-cheek letter to Jesus asking for help with a job application
  • Some punk rock lyrics
  • How he had classes with some dude who later went psycho on campus and got arrested
  • His feelings of depression and his efforts to thwart it
  • An apology for being rude to someone earlier in the day
  • Oh, and he used the word fuck and shit like that

Yeah, it seems simple to me, now, too. It would be completely unethical to let this guy teach our children Film and Television. Fucktards.

, , , , , , , , ,


Gov. Crist makes god put up a force field

According to Gov. Charlie Crist of Florida, we’ve been spared from the hurricanes because he stuffed a little piece of paper in a hole in a wall. Of course, it requires the wall to be in Jerusalem and the paper has to have a prayer on it to get direct action from god. In this case, god responded by putting up a force field around Florida to protect the nation’s wang from the mean old storms.

See? Here’s the latest one bouncing off of the invisible sky daddy’s power:

Danny misses FL and heads towards New England, as god wanted

Danny misses FL and heads towards New England, as god intended.

I mean, how could there be any other explanation? Either no one has previously prayed for hurricanes to miss Florida or else god just really likes Crist. I’ll bet god said, “Fuck the prayers from people in other states, I’m gonna protect Florida ’cause Charlie is such a good guy!”

Charlie is quite the modest one, though, despite his influence over an omnipotent supreme being:

[Crist] said he’s not taking credit for the lack of storms in this hurricane-prone state.

“I give that to God,” Crist said. “But it’s nice.”

, , , , , , , , , , ,

No Comments

Be Cool: See the Forefathers on Saturday

A bit short notice, but I just got the email:

Come join the The Forefathers this Saturday, July 25th, for the “Christmas in July” event at Seven Sister’s Coffeehouse

Seven Sister’s Coffeehouse was recently reviewed (quite positively!) by the Orlando Sentinel

Seven Sister’s Coffeehouse is located at 911 N. Mills Avenue, Orlando, FL 32803 (just North of Marks St.)

The Forefathers will be performing Holiday Music and the band’s own originals (some featured on National Public Radio) from 7-9PM.  The event starts at 5PM.

Really good music, really good coffee, really good people. If you’re near O-town, I encourage you to check it out.

, , , , , , , , ,

No Comments

Hang out with the CyberLizard

What I look like in the mornings

What I look like in the mornings

Ok, boys and girls, if you’ve ever wanted to hang with a famous blogger, now’s your chance. I will be at a special showing of “The Jerk” at the Enzian Theater in Maitland, FL @ 9:30pm tonight. It’s a private showing just for me and my faithful Lizardlings (and anyone else who buys tickets. But we’ll just ignore them).

As an added bonus, you get to meet the man from who’s loins the CyberLizard sprang!

So come on down and join the fun. I’ll be the one in a bathrobe with my pants down around my ankles carrying a chair. Because I’m just that into it.

p.s.  I’m not really famous. And I probably will be wearing pants. But don’t let that stop you.

, , ,

1 Comment

Forefathers at the Fringe

If you’re anywhere near central Florida, you should go to the Orlando Fringe Festival. It ends this weekend.

But even more importantly, you should go see The Forefathers perform at the Orlando Fringe Festival on Saturday May 23rd.

The Forefathers will perform two sets:
5-6pm & 6:30-7:30pm

Kick-ass music, kick-ass theater, lots of drag queens. It’s a win for everyone!

, , ,

No Comments

The Forefathers

If you’re in the central Florida area, a fantastic band is performing this weekend in Orlando. The Forefathers is a really cool world music fusion band. They were voted “Best Acoustic Act” in 2007 by the Orlando Weekly and they are featured on National Public Radio’s Echoes program hosted by John Diliberto. I’m proud to say that I personally know two of the members and they’re great guys. I would strongly suggest checking them out if you get the chance.

Sunday, January 25th, 2009
Bikes Beans & Bordeaux

Tour de Cure American Diabetes Association Fundraiser
Brunch and Wine Tasting @ 11:00 AM

3022 Corrine Drive
Orlando, FL 32803

The Forefathers will perform from 11:00am-1:00pm

, , ,

No Comments

PZ visits the nation’s wang!

I had a terrific experience last night! No, not that kind of experience. Get your minds out of the gutter 😉 I went to hear PZ Myers speak at Rollins College last night. His talk was on the intersection of science and religion in the classroom. The main thrust of it was that it is imperative that the classroom remain secular; religion has absolutely no place there, especially in the science classroom. He also covered some of his personal experiences of being a militant atheist. Hearing about his being “expelled” from the movie Expelled first hand was great. PZ also offered advice for we atheists in our continuing struggle to retain equal rights as godless citizens of the United States. It was actually quite inspirational. I can’t tell you how uplifting it was to be physically gathered with other freethinkers and engage in intelligent discussions.

Unfortunately we didn’t have any protesters like they did the night before at UCF. But the Dean of the Chapel did raise a stink about PZ’s visit. Apparently he has a problem with blasphemers. He was probably referring to the cracker incident. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why that would bother someone, but some people have weird fetishes. To each their own.

Afterward, we adjourned to Fiddler’s Green and continued the conversation. I was fortunate enough to have been seated directly across from PZ, and so I used the opportunity to totally babble like a complete fanboi discuss deep philisophical topics in a rational manner. I totally impressed him with my erudite manner and thoughtful insights on a number of topics (yeah, right). In reality, it was quite pleasant just to engage in conversation with a “famous” person, chatting about such random topics as the weather in Minnesota, the state of the educational system in the USA and parenthood. I did begin to feel a little old, however, with all the college kids around. I didn’t even get carded 🙁

All in all, it was a fantastic evening of deep thought, lite conversation and drinking cider on draught (damn near impossible to find in regular bars).

Many thanks, PZ, for the inspirational talk and the great conversation.



Jebus Christ, there are some sick fucks out there

Palm Coast couple arrested in animal-sex incident —

Flagler County Sheriff’s investigators said in November the Flagler County Humane Society turned over a compact disc showing Carla Maldonado, who worked at the humane society, engaged in sexual activity with dogs she had adopted. The humane society fired her when they received the CD, then turned it over to the sheriff’s office.

Hot doggie porn? I think I’ll pass, thanks.

Investigators also said the disc contained 16 photos of Carla Maldonado engaged in sex acts with a 15-year-old female who was a friend of the family. David Maldonado photographed the acts, according to investigators. Both Carla and David are charged with providing the victim alcohol and encouraging the participation in the sex acts.

Now why couldn’t they have stuck with nice, normal fucked-upness like bringing in underage friends, boozing them up, then photographing them having sex? When you’ve got this going on, why bring in the dogs?

Honestly, some people are just stoopid.


No Comments