Well, I found something to write about. Unfortunately, it’s something disgusting and vile.
Britni wrote a blog post (It’s MY body) about being sexually assaulted in a club the other night, undoubtedly a very traumatic experience made worse by the fact that it was not the first time she has been a victim of it. It was very brave of her to write so openly about a very personal and painful experience. So naturally the appropriate response is to write a blog post entitled So yeah, it’s “your body”. But are you sending a different message?
I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in this subject. I’m not going to pretend that I know all the right buzz words and proper attitudes. Instead, I’m just going to give my gut reaction. And my reaction is that people like this are goddamned douchebag victim blamers.
You know it’s going to be good when Taylor, the author of the piece and the SO of the blog owner, starts out like this:
Ok I get:
- You didn’t want to be humped in a bar.
- The guy had the impression it was ok to hump you in a bar.
- You feel the need to bitch about it.
I understand all of the above.
What I don’t get:
- How it went from dancing to humping.
- What gave him the impression that you’d be ok with being humped in a bar, or “penetrated”.
- Bitching about it the next day instead of doing something proactively about it right then and there.
Does that sound familiar? That’s exactly what a victim of sexual assault needs, to be accused of doing something to give the impression that she was ok with being sexually assaulted. Oh, and that she didn’t respond appropriately. As I said previously, I’m no expert on feminist issues or sexual abuse or psychology, but in what philosophy is it appropriate to suggest that a victim of sexual assault is to blame for their being attacked? I mean, didn’t we already clear this shit up?
Anyway, the rest of the article is a bizarre attempt of the male author to claim to not be blaming the victim while, in the next sentence, blaming the victim.
Here are my thoughts. The average guy, doesn’t arbitrarily start “humping” a random girl in a bar. There has to be SOMETHING that gives him the impression that she would be receptive to it. Whether intentional or not she has to do something to encourage him. Frankly most men are too chicken shit to do anything without some level of encouragement.
Now in no way am I trying to say or imply that you willfully invited the “humping” Just pointing out that there may be something you are overlooking. Some element of your own behavior that invited this bit of intrusion. Am I trying to place you at fault for his mis-behavior? Hell no.
But I am saying that in any given situation involving two people regardless of their gender there are two distinctly different perspectives.
My summary: I’m not saying that you are at fault, I’m just pointing out that you brought it on yourself. Jeebus farking christ on toast! Anyway, take a look at that last sentence, “But I am saying that in any given situation involving two people regardless of their gender there are two distinctly different perspectives.” The perspective of a rapist/sexual predator is that they have the right to do anything they damn well please to another human being, regardless of the lack of consent of their victim. Hmmm. Right, I can see why that should be taken into consideration (note the dripping sarcasm, just in case that wasn’t apparent).
What I’m getting at, is maybe it’s time to take a good long look at your own behavior. Because if your body is being groped, used, assaulted, grabbed, handled or otherwise touched without your permission as often as you say, it would seem that you are doing something to provoke it. Again, this may or may not be something you’re aware of.
But the average person doesn’t get touched on a daily basis, the average person doesn’t encounter rape and near rape all the damn time.
Sure a person should be able to wear what they want, go where they want, say and do what they want without being treated like a hunk of meat on a deli counter.
No woman deserves to be treated like a whore, however is she happens to be wearing the uniform….
I think y’all get the point. This whole thing made me feel so fucking disgusted and angry that I couldn’t even begin to express myself. As aag pointed out in her comment on the post: “If anyone ever asks me for a definition of “rape culture,” I will be sure to point them to this entry.” It’s astounding beyond belief that this kind of blatant, repulsive victim blaming is being proudly proclaimed; in response to a post about a woman’s experience with sexual assault, no less!
This kind of crap needs to be kicked hard in the teeth and ended. Victim blaming is wrong. Period. It’s not fucking rocket science. And if you’re going to just say over and over again that you’re not blaming her, but that she must have done something to provoke a response and not see how that’s victim blaming, then you’re a fucking douche.
Update: Already found a post I missed Pussy Goes Grrr – http://mendthiscrack.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/this-post-is-for-britni/
Tales from the Toi Box – http://www.talesfromthetoibox.com/2010/07/britni-good-rapist-bad.html