Archive for January, 2009
Seriously, how lazy can you get?
Posted by CyberLizard in Stuff on January 31, 2009
I mean, c'mon, pancakes from a spray can? Somehow I can't see people chugging this like whipped cream.
Will you marry me?
Posted by CyberLizard in Me, Mental Illness on January 31, 2009
Tomorrow will be my 12th wedding anniversary, so you’ll forgive me for the somewhat maudlin post. That’s a long time to spend with someone these days. Our marriage is almost a teenager! So in honor of this auspicious occasion, I’d like to entertain you with a little story.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. Their paths crossed when they were in the 6th grade. By the time high school rolled around, they were fast friends. Throughout high school, the boy would call the girl his best friend. Girls, of course, had multiple best friends, each ranked through the secret female algorithm of friendship, resulting in best friends, best-best friends, bff’s, etc. But she secretly thought of the boy as her best friend, too.
During their senior year, something in their friendship changed. The realization that high school was ending and that the girl was moving away to go to college cause the normally stoic boy to begin to think. And the thoughts he had were of companionship, friendship, loneliness, desire…and love. He realized that he loved the girl. These thoughts overrode his normal anxieties and fears and the boy kissed the girl. And confessed his love for her. The girl was overwhelmed and gladly returned his love, telling the boy that she had loved him for years but had abandoned any hope that the boy would return her feelings.
So the girl went away to college. As the poets say, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and their love for each other continued to grow. On a cold December evening, as the girl was back home visiting the boy, they went on a date. Nothing fancy; they strolled around downtown. The boy bought the girl a rose from a street vendor. And he led her to the park on the shores of the lake in the center of town. In this park was an outdoor amphitheater, annually a host to a Shakespeare festival, now silent, its stage bare. But it was a lovely place where one could walk through and sit in the audience seats under the stars and enjoy the feelings of being in a theater. This was something they both could appreciate, the girl being a theater major, the boy a former theater tech geek.
The boy took the girls hand and led the girl to the stairs leading from the audience to the bare stage. He guided her up onto the stage, right to the middle, the soft ambient lighting of the park making it feel like they were in a nighttime scene in a Shakespeare play. The boy got down on one knee and asked the girl to marry him.
As you have probably guessed, the boy was me. The girl was the Goddess. She accepted my proposal and, four years later, we were married. And 16 years later, we can still tell this story to each other and it still generates those little flurries in our tummies reminiscent of those heady days full of new love and the prospect of the coming adventure of a life lived together. An adventure that goes on to this day.
I love you, little darlin’. And I’m extremely happy that you agreed to share your life with me.
The brilliance of the WorldNutDaily is truly astounding
Posted by CyberLizard in WTF on January 27, 2009
OMFSM! The WorldNutDaily has outdone themselves. They have reached new heights (or depths, depending on your perspective) of mind-numbing stupidity. In an effort to save their readers from enduring the intellectual trauma of actually trying to form a coherent and reasonable thought, they are now offering for sale the complete collection of “Politically Incorrect Guides”. This collection contains such shining gems as “The Politically Incorrect Guide to the South (and Why It Will Rise Again)” and “The Politically Incorrect Guide to Darwinism and Intelligent Design”.
Not content with just spewing garbage in the form of mindless articles written by the likes of such flaming brilliances as Chuck Norris, they are now providing you with the opportunity to “browse through all the politically incorrect guides in one place online and satisfy your intellectual curiosity quickly and efficiently.”
Don’t miss out on this fabulous opportunity! There’s a “Politically Incorrect Guide” out there no matter what your particular prejudice or paranoia may be. Peruse the selections and check out books illuminating the truth behind such controversial subjects as:
- Women, sex and feminism
- Science
- Hunting
- Capitalism
- Islam and the Crusades
- American history
- The Bible
- Western Civilization
“The politically incorrect guides were a very smart idea and executed brilliantly,” said Joseph Farah, founder and editor of WND. “I wish it had been my idea. Now we’re making it easier than ever to take advantage of all the wisdom and insight found in these books.” [emphasis mine]
Let that sink in for just a moment. Then join with me in a rousing chorus of “WHAT THE FUCK?!?”
Reduce to Common Sense: Carnival of the Godless 109
Posted by CyberLizard in Atheism, Blogging on January 26, 2009
The latest edition of the Carnival of the Godless is out. Go peruse and enjoy: Reduce to Common Sense: Carnival of the Godless 109
Pulling a gun in my neighborhood is seriously un-fucking cool
Posted by CyberLizard in Uncategorized on January 25, 2009
So I was cleaning out my garage this evening. Got a late start, so around 8pm I’ve got half the garaged emptied onto the driveway and am organizing my gardening equipment. The usual sounds of the neighborhood float on the air: kids playing basketball in the street, the hum of a distant lawn mower, the laughter and conversation of the families down the street congregating in their yard. Just a nice, quiet evening in suburbia.
Now, my house is on the corner of a T intersection, so out of my open garage I can see down the street that mine buts into. Three houses down, there is a crowd in front of a house. This, in and of itself, is not unusual. There are usually several people out there, playing basketball, shooting the breeze, just hanging out. But something has happened to rile them up. I can hear angry shouts, then car tires squealing. Standing in the open garage door, I watch several people jump into cars and take off. Some others go running off up the road, out of my sight.
I turn back into the garage, continuing my efforts, when I hear a blood-curdling scream. This sound literally made my blood run cold. Definitely not something minor. Looking back out I can see several women running back to their house, screaming, “HE’S GOT A GUN, HE’S GOT A GUN!” I immediately head into the house, where my wife is getting the kids ready for bed. Explaining what I heard and saw, I hustle them into the bedroom at the back of the house, farthest from the front that I can get them. Crouching low, I head back to the inside door to the garage and peek out. Down the street, all is chaos.
Pulling out the cell, I fire off a call to 911, explaining what I’ve heard and seen. The operator tells me that they’ve already had several calls about the incident and assures me that the police are on the way. I cautiously edge my way out into the garage, to try to figure out if the coast is clear. By this time, things have calmed down to some extent. I can hear a woman on her phone; I got the impression she was talking to 911. Within minutes the police arrive. Several of the men are shouting angrily to the police, who are trying to ascertain what happened and who was involved. Eventually, things settle down. I overhear the police telling my neighbors that they’ve been having trouble with this group recently.
This is only the second time in my life that I have been truly frightened for my families safety. The first time was when I was standing in the Florida Mall, holding my sleeping daughter while my son slept in the stroller beside me. We were waiting for the Goddess to finish her shopping when a person got stabbed right in front of me, staggering away leaving a trail of blood on the shiny mall floor. Now this happens right in my own front yard.
Fortunately, in this case, there were no injuries, no shots had been fired. But I think that I’ll keep the kids inside for the next couple of days.
Super Mario Bros. Madness!
Posted by CyberLizard in LEGO, Me on January 23, 2009
My 6 year old is very interested in Super Mario Bros. He’s played all the old-school games, and the new ones. He has toys, a crocheted doll, pajamas, shirts… let’s just say he has a bunch of Mario stuff. But what he wanted most for christmas was Mario Legos. So “Santa” complied.
Check out my Flickr photostream for more.
The Forefathers
Posted by CyberLizard in Local & State, Stuff on January 23, 2009
If you’re in the central Florida area, a fantastic band is performing this weekend in Orlando. The Forefathers is a really cool world music fusion band. They were voted “Best Acoustic Act” in 2007 by the Orlando Weekly and they are featured on National Public Radio’s Echoes program hosted by John Diliberto. I’m proud to say that I personally know two of the members and they’re great guys. I would strongly suggest checking them out if you get the chance.
Brunch and Wine Tasting @ 11:00 AM
Orlando, FL 32803
The Forefathers will perform from 11:00am-1:00pm
www.theforefathers.com
www.myspace.com/TheForefathers
Close your eyes, bow your heads. Let us nag…
Posted by CyberLizard in Atheism, Religion on January 22, 2009
Jon Stewart always has terrific insights on the latest goings-on. He picked up on something I too noticed while watching the festivities the other day: how many times does their god need to be bothered just because we’re inaugurating a new president? I mean, c’mon: before, during, after, and then again the next day? If my kids nagged me as much as these people bother their god, there would be some good old fashioned smiting going on, I can tell you that. I don’t suck up to my boss anywhere near as much, and he actually does things that affect me, like give me raises and shit. I can’t quite comprehend why one would suck up to such a non-responsive entity.
Anyway, I’ll let Jon tell you about it.
Playing with toys
Posted by CyberLizard in Me, Stuff on January 21, 2009
Not those kind of toys, you sick perverts! Geeze, I try to do something serious and all you people do is make juvenile double entendres. I’m talking about cool web tools (huh-huh-huh, you said “tool”).
Let’s start over. I stumbled upon this cool tool gadget that takes a feed from a blog and generates a word cloud based on the frequency of the words found. So I did it for this blog (yes, I know I said “did it”, *sigh*).
Forget it. Just look at the picture.
Well come, President Obama
Posted by CyberLizard in Politics on January 20, 2009
This is the first time that I have listened to an inaugural address. As my good friend who listened to it with me said, this is the first time I’ve wanted to. I am a longtime snarky cynic, yet even my snark failed listening to our President speak. And for the first time that I can recall, I can use that phrase, “our President”, “my President” without flinching, without the internal sneer of disgust at what “my country” was doing in the world, at what it stood for. I actually feel proud to call myself an American. I was proud to hear my President speak, to nod along with him, even to disagree with portions of it, because I knew that my views would be respected not rejected. I was proud to sit next to my friend, a recently naturalized citizen of the United States; proud that someone would choose to join the country that I was so fortunately born into through no effort of my own.
This is starting to get really sappy, I know. Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t last. President Obama is only human and will certainly do something to piss me off in the near future, and I’ll be here ranting about it. But it will finally be with a sense that my ranting actually means something, that it can actually have an impact. Even though the political process isn’t perfect, even though it will fail to address all of our concerns, it is our process and by taking ownership of it we have collectively elected someone who has vowed to carry us forward in a new era of change and true tolerance, not just the lip-service that politicians have given to their responsibilities to the people in the past.
Here’s to hoping it lasts.
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