Archive for November 24th, 2008
So Mrs. CyberLizard went out a couple of nights ago with a girlfriend to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno. She came back raving about what a fantastic movie it was and how I had to go see it with her. Apparently it’s a Kevin Smith movie, a fact I had somehow missed. Since I thoroughly enjoy his films, I agreed and we secured a little Lizard sitter last night and snuck out to catch the 9:45 showing at the local mall theater. After grabbing a popcorn and a coke, we get into the actual theater at approximately 9:47, expecting the previews to have started. Instead, the lights are on and the screensaver image is up. After a couple of minutes, I go to find out what was up. I was told that they were finding someone to start the movie. Um, ok… one would have thought that the presence of the required personnel would have been secured prior to the actual start time of the movie, but, whatever.
Fireproof isn’t merely preaching to the already converted; it’s helping to further alienate the unconverted and the skeptical.
People like Kirk Cameron apparently require Scriptural instruction about how to not act like a complete **** to your wife.
The writing and directing Kendrick brothers, Alex and Stephen, have raised blandness and narrative predictability to the level of high art.
And my personal favorite, which is almost identical to what I was thinking during the few minutes I was forced to endure this “movie”:
With the production values of a straight-to-video cheapie and the script of a mediocre soap opera, Fireproof is good for just about one thing: dousing whatever flames might be left in your marriage.
I was having so much fun heckling the piece of crap that I was tempted to just keep watching. Instead, I decided that I wanted to actually get some value for my money and see the movie that I had chosen. So after I and numerous other people complained, the manager shows up and apologizes. It’s too far into the movie, she says, I can’t change it. WTF?!? She then goes on to explain that it is too heavy, she can’t physically switch the movies. I immediately volunteer to assist, but that idea was shot down. Instead, they’re going to give us double free tickets. Oh, and as a bonus, they can move us to a different theater and show us Role Models.
Now, I’m not normally a confrontational person IRL, but I’m pissed off. Outside the theater, the manager is waiting with our comp tickets.
Me: Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a babysitter so that my wife and I can come out to watch a movie?Manager: I’m sorry, sir, I’ve got double comp tickets here for you.Me: What, so I can come back to this place and have you screw it up again?Manager: These tickets are good for any Regal Cinema’s, sir. Here you are. Have a good evening.