CyberLizard's Collection

A year ago, a man embarked on a quest of self-discovery. Introverted, anxiety-ridden me decided to confront his demons and went to Dragon*Con by himself, one of the largest sci-fi/fantasy/pop-culture cons in the country. There, he braved the scourge of social anxiety and successfully defeated it. If by defeat one counts cowering in a corner of a hallway between tracks and silently tweeting about people instead of actually speaking to them. Still, it gave him a sense of what could be and encouraged him to become what he had feared most: a social creature.

Fast-forward to today. Throw in some anti-anxiety meds and a good deal more self-confidence and a very different CyberLizard is heading to Dragon*Con. I have been introduced to the joys (and pains) of Joss Whedon’s creations; I can sing along with Dr. Horrible. I am a Level 13 Jive Pillager. I have slain an archdemon. I converse casually (electronically) with astrophysicists, authors, adult performers and sex workers, computer geeks, gaming geeks, musician geeks. I have debated, mocked and ridiculed purveyors of woo and confronted theistards who strive to deprive people of their rights.

I have lost some friends due to their lack of support and understanding of some life choices I have made and my beliefs (or lack thereof). I have made a great many more new friends. The love in my life has increased exponentially in the past year. I feel fantastic.

So on that note, I’m going back to Dragon*Con this year. Wifey is coming too, as is my Day-glo Pterodactyl. Unfortunately, my Canuckistanian sweetie and my PGFB will not be there, but they can live the event vicariously, digitally, through me. As can you, right here and on Twitter (<subliminal>follow @CyberLizard</subliminal>).

Well, I found something to write about. Unfortunately, it’s something disgusting and vile.

Britni wrote a blog post (It’s MY body) about being sexually assaulted in a club the other night, undoubtedly a very traumatic experience made worse by the fact that it was not the first time she has been a victim of it. It was very brave of her to write so openly about a very personal and painful experience. So naturally the appropriate response is to write a blog post entitled So yeah, it’s “your body”. But are you sending a different message?

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in this subject. I’m not going to pretend that I know all the right buzz words and proper attitudes. Instead, I’m just going to give my gut reaction. And my reaction is that people like this are goddamned douchebag victim blamers.

You know it’s going to be good when Taylor, the author of the piece and the SO of the blog owner, starts out like this:

Ok I get:

• You didn’t want to be humped in a bar.
• The guy had the impression it was ok to hump you in a bar.
• You feel the need to bitch about it.

I understand all of the above.

What I don’t get:

• How it went from dancing to humping.
• What gave him the impression that you’d be ok with being humped in a bar, or “penetrated”.
• Bitching about it the next day instead of doing something proactively about it right then and there.

Does that sound familiar? That’s exactly what a victim of sexual assault needs, to be accused of doing something to give the impression that she was ok with being sexually assaulted. Oh, and that she didn’t respond appropriately. As I said previously, I’m no expert on feminist issues or sexual abuse or psychology, but in what philosophy is it appropriate to suggest that a victim of sexual assault is to blame for their being attacked? I mean, didn’t we already clear this shit up?

Anyway, the rest of the article is a bizarre attempt of the male author to claim to not be blaming the victim while, in the next sentence, blaming the victim.

Here are my thoughts. The average guy, doesn’t arbitrarily start “humping” a random girl in a bar. There has to be SOMETHING that gives him the impression that she would be receptive to it. Whether intentional or not she has to do something to encourage him. Frankly most men are too chicken shit to do anything without some level of encouragement.

Now in no way am I trying to say or imply that you willfully invited the “humping” Just pointing out that there may be something you are overlooking. Some element of your own behavior that invited this bit of intrusion.  Am I trying to place you at fault for his mis-behavior? Hell no.

But I am saying that in any given situation involving two people regardless of their gender  there are two distinctly different perspectives.

My summary: I’m not saying that you are at fault, I’m just pointing out that you brought it on yourself. Jeebus farking christ on toast! Anyway, take a look at that last sentence, “But I am saying that in any given situation involving two people regardless of their gender  there are two distinctly different perspectives.” The perspective of a rapist/sexual predator is that they have the right to do anything they damn well please to another human being, regardless of the lack of consent of their victim. Hmmm. Right, I can see why that should be taken into consideration (note the dripping sarcasm, just in case that wasn’t apparent).

What I’m getting at, is maybe it’s time to take a good long look at your own behavior. Because if your body is being groped, used, assaulted, grabbed, handled or otherwise touched without your permission as often as you say, it would seem that you are doing something to provoke it. Again, this may or may not be something  you’re aware of.

But the average person doesn’t get touched on a daily basis, the average person doesn’t encounter rape and near rape all the damn time.

Sure a person should be able to wear what they want, go where they want, say and do what they want without being treated like a hunk of meat on a deli counter.

No woman deserves to be treated like a whore, however is she happens to be wearing the uniform….

I think y’all get the point. This whole thing made me feel so fucking disgusted and angry that I couldn’t even begin to express myself. As aag pointed out in her comment on the post: “If anyone ever asks me for a definition of “rape culture,” I will be sure to point them to this entry.” It’s astounding beyond belief that this kind of blatant, repulsive victim blaming is being proudly proclaimed; in response to a post about a woman’s experience with sexual assault, no less!

A number of other bloggers have picked up on the story and are also expressing their outrage (I’m sure I missed some, just let me know and I’ll add them). Britni’s own response is here.

This kind of crap needs to be kicked hard in the teeth and ended. Victim blaming is wrong. Period. It’s not fucking rocket science. And if you’re going to just say over and over again that you’re not blaming her, but that she must have done something to provoke a response and not see how that’s victim blaming, then you’re a fucking douche.

Update: Already found a post I missed Pussy Goes Grrr – http://mendthiscrack.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/this-post-is-for-britni/

Tales from the Toi Box – http://www.talesfromthetoibox.com/2010/07/britni-good-rapist-bad.html

Seriously, I have no idea and I’m completely unfocused. There are tons of things I want to pontificate on, but I can’t seem to break through the thought patterns that tell me that it’s all been said, much better than I can, by other people. So if there are still subscribers to this lonely feed that have even a smidgeon of interest in my peculiar (and perverted) point of view, give me a shout in the comments. Tell me what you want to hear about: Atheism? Sex? LEGO? Politics? LEGO minifig politicians having sex with atheists? Or maybe I should turn this into an advice blog: Ask the CyberLizard…  Heehee! That would be fun! I could really screw with peoples’ heads that way! Mwahahahahaha!

Ahem. Anyway.

Let me know. Even if what you want to hear is silence. Because then I’ll know I’m really ticking people off by blogging!

A friend of mine (@Joreth) posted the following as a series of tweets. It really resonated with me and is going to serve as a model for my standard disclaimer.

if my opinions here insult or offend you, you’re better off not following me. I will not say anything here I wouldn’t say to your face…

but I probably won’t say it unless you ask because we have to work together & it does no good for me to create a hostile work environment

However, if I compliment you or say something nice, it will always be sincere & I am not being two-faced.

I can like & even admire someone while thinking certain beliefs are silly

If you’re content to agree to disagree at work, then so am I. I won’t get in your face unless you insult me at work first

…

Feel free to make fun of me in your own online spaces, just be civil at work & don’t sabotage anyone’s career just for personality conflicts

I would extend this beyond the workplace. Actually, I’ve never had any conflicts at work as a result of things that I’ve posted or positions I’ve taken online. No, I think this applies more to some of my IRL friends and family.

It seems perfectly logical to take this position. There are a large number of people in the world with whom I will never share certain values and/or beliefs. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. It doesn’t even mean we can’t be good friends. It just means that there are certain venues where I express myself in ways that you probably won’t like. I don’t go visiting your church, trolling for things you say there that I disagree with. My twitter stream and my blog are spaces where I express myself, good and bad, happy and angry. They are not places where I spout socially accepted aphorisms and conform to the “appropriate” mode of behaviour.

That said, I’m not apologising at all for my values, nor am I going to sit down and shut up about them. There are things that I care passionately about and I’m going to talk about them, possibly in a number of venues. If you are uncomfortable with that or with the things that I say, I would suggest that those might be subjects where you’d want to think past your knee-jerk reaction and see what’s really causing your reaction. It may very well be that we just fundamentally disagree on things. OTOH, you might just find that my hyperbole and vicious language may expose an underlying bias or insecurity in your own thinking that could use some pondering. At the very least, you will have thought about it rather than just reacting. And that’s a Good Thing ™, right?

I left this comment on my friend Tall Penguin’s blog in response to her musings on the absurd nature of her life:

Absurdity and over-the-top awesomeness seem to be major themes in my life right now, while simultaneously being incredibly profound and meaningful. All that stardust coalescing over billions of years has led to this? How fantastically absurd and amazing! I can honestly say that I love my life

I don’t usually go on in great detail about my personal life here. I’m much more comfortable snarking at the religiotards or railing against stupidity. But sometimes I will stop, take a hard look at my life and say, “You know what? Life is pretty fan-fucking-tastic! How in the hell did I end up here?!” Where ‘here’ is this astounding place where I am loved and where I love.

Greta Christina has released the schedule for the Very Big Atheist Conference of 2011 and it looks AWESOME!

The schedule for the Very Big Atheist Conference of 2011 has been finalized! There are some very exciting sessions planned, and some of your favorite atheist bloggers, writers, and activists will be there — so be sure to get your tickets early!

I mean, just look at the first day’s lineup!

FRIDAY, APRIL 1

1:00 PM
Why Are Atheists Bothering to Have a Conference to Talk About What They Don’t Believe In?
Concerned Ecumenicalist Interfaith Council
(attendance optional)

2:15 PM
Maintaining a Rep as a Good-Natured Teddy Bear While Delivering Lethal Smackdowns to Theists
Hemant Mehta, “Friendly” Atheist

3:30 PM
How to Get the Narwhal Song Unstuck From Your Head When PZ Mentions It For the Twentieth Time
Pharyngulite Hordes

6:00 PM
Reception
Cheese and “Crackers”
Sponsored by PZ Myers

I am soooooo registering! It’s gonna be a blast!

My 7 year old son was playing with a couple of neighbor kids, brothers, who apparently asked if he went to sunday school. My boy answered in the negative. When told that he was going to hell for not attending, he replied by informing them that he didn’t believe in hell. Which led to the revelation that he didn’t believe in god, either. Okay, no biggie, just a few kids feeling out their beliefs and discussing them with peers, right? Not so much. See, while reasonable folks see their kids being exposed to various religious beliefs as a good thing and use the experience to foster discussion, that’s not how these evangelicals roll. No, the correct response, as these two kids told my son, is to say that they are not allowed to play with him anymore on account of him not believing in god.

What. The. Fuck.

These are 7 year old kids we’re talking about! They play. They run around. They talk about shit. If your faith in a (imaginary) god is so weak it can’t survive talking to a 7 year old who thinks for himself then what’s the point of it?

Fortunately, my kid does think for himself. And after a bit of conversation about the situation, he just replied, “You know what mom? That’s a silly reason to not be friends. I have enough friends.”

So to you people who whine that we atheists are too loud and ask why do we make a big deal about it: this is fucking why. Because generations of kids are being indoctrinated since birth to mindlessly parrot what they are taught. And what they are being taught is intolerance and bigotry.

So I’m going to stand up and be loud. I’m going to point out that, according to your own mythology, this Jesus fellow you worship hung out with “sinners” like tax collectors and prostitutes. He didn’t avoid those who thought differently from him and he didn’t treat them like second-class citizens. I don’t see where he said, teach your children to shun and avoid godless kids, either. I guess that must be in the New Conservative Revised Version of the bible.

Yeah, that’s right. Ignore it. Everything is fine. And dandy. Along with peachy and keen. So don’t sweat it, your conduit to the stuff falling out of my brain remains intact.

Also, boys and girls, always remember:

I use Feedburner.com to manage my RSS feed. Those of you reading this in Google Reader or something similar will know what this means. Therefore, I’m only talking to you. The rest of you can go look at pr0n or something.

Way back when, Google bought Feedburner. Also way back when, I became a lot less active with the blogging. Fast forward to now. I go to log in to Feedburner and I’m greeted with a Google account page and it wants me to use my old Feedburner username/password to claim my feed. Ok, no biggie. Only it won’t take my username. Or any variation thereof. And it doesn’t recognise any of my email addresses to send me a new password. Fuck me with a chainsaw.

Why do you give a shit? Mainly because my feed URL is probably going to change and if you’ve subscribed to the old one you won’t get any more new posts from me! I’m sure that, to some of you, that sounds like a fantastic thing, but I am assured that there are at least 3 people for whom this will be a problem.

So be prepared. It may change soon as I wrestle with how to get control of my feed again. In the meantime, just keep my blog open in a tab in your browser and hit refresh every hour or so. Better safe than miss one of my posts and have the chupacabras after you. #justsayin

This issue has recently come up again in my life. I feel it’s important to put out there once more where I stand. In short, people deserve respect, not ideas. Your belief in a supernatural being who rules the universe, but can’t be seen, heard, felt or in any way, shape or form empirically shown to exist, does not mean that I can’t question it. Or make fun of it. Or get angry at the actions that people take in the name of said being. And I’m going to do that publicly. For too long, atheists have been forced, sometimes by violent means, to keep quiet.

Guess what? I’m not going to shut up and sit down. If it’s not disrespectful to post messages asking people to pray to your mythological deity or thanking it for some random coincidence, then it’s not disrespectful for me to post messages saying that there are no gods or that I love the amazing diversity of life thanks to the process of evolution. And if you’re going to make even more ridiculous claims about the earth only being 6,000 years old or you try to force your religion into our legal system, I’m going to call you on it and tear into you. Suck it up.

Below the fold is a repost of my original post back in 2008 called Where I Stand.

Read the rest